Why all the lawyer jokes

Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
A: His lips are moving.

According to www.StrangeCosmos.com, lawyers are number five on the most hated professions list. Off the record, I beg to differ. Witness the legal farces below. In the Dan White case, lackadaisical prosecutors also contributed to the appalling results. In all three scenarios, overzealous (and some might argue over paid) defense lawyers prevailed.

Daniel James White

In 1977, Dan White joined the San Francisco Board of Supervisors. He was initially on civil terms with Harvey Milk, the county’s first openly gay supervisor, even supporting some of Milk’s political initiatives. But the two had a falling out over a land zoning matter and White frequently clashed with Milk and other members of the board. White resigned on Nov. 10, citing dissatisfaction with the corrupt inner-workings of San Francisco city politics, as well as difficulty in making a living off a supervisor’s salary. On Nov. 14 he changed his mind after supporters asked him to withdraw his resignation. He then sought reappointment from Mayor George Moscone.

Moscone initially agreed to White's request, but later refused the reappointment at the urging of Milk and others. Then on Nov. 17, White went to San Francisco City Hall to meet with Moscone and make a final plea for his job. He arrived with a loaded gun and 10 extra rounds of ammunition. He sneaked into the building through a window to avoid metal detectors. Upon entering Moscone's office, White began to plea his case to no avail. White shot and killed Moscone. He then reloaded his weapon, walked over to Milk's office and shot him five times, killing him as well. He fired the final shot at point blank range, fled city hall and later turned himself in. White recorded a tearful confession, stating, "I just shot him."

Twinkie defense

White's defense argued his mental state at the time of the killings was diminished due to depression. They argued he was not capable of premeditating the violence and thus was not guilty of first-degree murder. A forensic psychiatrist testified the former policeman was suffering from depression and pointed to several behavioral symptoms, including the fact that White had gone from being highly health-conscious to consuming sugary foods and drinks such as Twinkies and Coca-Cola. The psychiatrist suggested all that refined sugar might have worsened White’s depression, giving rise to “the Twinkie defense.” When the prosecution played the recording of White's confession, several jurors wept as they listened to "a man pushed beyond his endurance." Many people familiar with city hall claimed it was common to enter through the window to save time. A police officer said several officials carried weapons and speculated that White carried the extra ammunition as a habit from his days as a police officer. The jury found White guilty of voluntary manslaughter. The subsequent seven-year sentence eventually led to the elimination of California's "diminished capacity" law.

On October 21, 1985, less than two years after his release from prison, White committed suicide by carbon monoxide poisoning. He ran a garden hose from the exhaust pipe to the inside of his car.

John Hinckley Jr.

Shortly before 2:30 p.m. EST, as President Ronald Reagan walked out of the Washington Hilton Hotel toward his waiting car, Hinckley emerged from a crowd of admirers and fired a .22 caliber revolver six times. The first exploding bullet hit White House Press Secretary James Brady in the head. The second drove through District of Columbia police officer Thomas Delahanty’s back. The third hit the window on a building across the street. The fourth hit Secret Service agent Timothy McCarthy in the stomach. The fifth struck bullet-proof glass on the president's limousine. The sixth ricocheted off the side of the car and hit the president. It grazed a rib and lodged into a lung near his heart.

The entire incident was captured on video by at least five cameramen, including all the major broadcast networks. The motivation behind Hinckley's attack was an obsession with actress Jodie Foster. While living in Hollywood in the late 1970s, he saw the film “Taxi Driver” at least 15 times, apparently identifying strongly with the lead character, which plotted to kill a presidential candidate. Foster played a 12-year-old prostitute in the movie. Hinckley trailed Foster around the country, enrolling in a writing course at Yale University in 1980 after learning she was a student there. Foster never encouraged Hinckley’s advances, going so far as to report him to school officials as a stalker. Miraculously, all of Hinckley’s victims survived, although Brady, who was hit in the right side of the head, remains paralyzed.

The trial

Charged with 13 offenses, Hinckley was found not guilty by reason of insanity on June 21 1982. The defense psychiatric reports declared him insane while the prosecution declared him legally sane. Hinckley was confined at St. Elizabeth’s Hospital in Washington, D.C. and the verdict led to widespread dismay. Congress and a number of states rewrote laws on the insanity defense. Idaho, Kansas, Montana, and Utah abolished the defense altogether.

Hinckley was allowed to leave the hospital for supervised visits with his parents in 1999, followed by longer releases the following year. He enjoyed supervised visits in 2004 and 2005 and in December of 2005, a federal judge ruled Hinckley could have three visits of three nights and four visits of four nights, each depending on the successful completion of the last. All the experts who testified at Hinckley's 2005 conditional release hearing agreed his depression and psychotic disorder were in full remission.

O.J. Simpson

In 1989, former NFL star and media personality Orenthal James Simpson pleaded no contest to a domestic violence charge and was separated from wife Nicole Brown. On June 12, 1994 Brown and her friend Ronald Goldman were found dead outside Brown's condominium. Simpson was charged with their murders. After failing to turn himself in, he became the object of a low-speed pursuit in a white Ford Bronco SUV. Simpson’s trial culminated Oct. 3, 1995 in a jury verdict of not guilty for the murders.

But on Feb. 5, 1997 a civil jury unanimously found Simpson liable for wrongful death and battery against Goldman as well as battery against Brown. He was ordered to pay $33,500,000 in damages. But California law protects pensions from being used to satisfy judgments, so Simpson was able to continue much of his lifestyle through his $22,000 per month NFL pension. He said he would never voluntarily give any money to either family.

She’d still be alive

Mike Gilbert, a former agent and friend of Simpson, later wrote a book entitled How I Helped O.J. Get Away with Murder: The Shocking Inside Story of Violence, Loyalty, Regret and Remorse. The book states Simpson had smoked marijuana, took a sleeping pill and was drinking beer when he allegedly confided at his Brentwood home weeks after his trial what happened the night of June 12, 1994. According to Gilbert, Simpson said, "If she hadn't opened that door with a knife in her hand...she'd still be alive."

In September 2007, Simpson was arrested in Las Vegas and charged with numerous felonies, including robbery with a deadly weapon, burglary with a firearm, assault with a deadly weapon and first-degree kidnapping. A jury found him guilty of all charges on Oct. 3, 2008. He was sentenced on Dec. 5 to at least nine years in prison and is now Inmate #1027820 at Lovelock Correctional Center in Lovelock, NE.

Footnote

Attorneys argue that everyone jokes about lawyers until they need one. It should also be noted advertising practitioners are number two on the most hated professions list and journalists are number 11. I myself am both an advertising executive and a journalist.